Day Five:

Afternoon:

The straight up empty feeling has subsided, tho there is still very much an uncomfortable squirming of maggots in my stomach. I have regained a bit of an apatite. Now that a bit of the complete unreasonable grief has let go of my chest, and the crying fits have lessened. Im left with the simple endless hum of missing you. I lay here with poofy eating candy you love watching this show I know you would enjoy, and its still like I can hear your laughter, when you would laugh. I find myself staring at your face in the all too brief interlude of the darkness of blinking, I can see your expressions as you react. I can nearly feel the burning in your eyes, while the commercials play, you look at me, trying to figure out what we are going to do next. Someone is to the other side of me, falling over, I hear a little dog bark, and be pushed off the couch...We both know neither of us care what we do next..., its just another Sunday afternoon, and when next comes, we will be doing what we are doing... tho given the time, I feel I would be cooking soon. While you clean the counters... and we laugh... about nothing. Someone is doing some dishes, and two others are laughing about something I cant see, on a laptop across the room, I feel myself smile watching all of you one after the other investigate and join the laughter. Its calm here, safe, free, fun, loving, real... its just another Sunday afternoon.. heh... I hadn’t really cried yet today...

Just another Sunday afternoon... and here I am.

Alone.