Day Four: 

Morning: 3

When you are really forced to sit back and look at how you've lived your life, It would be nice to do so without just feeling HORRIBLE. Ive always been a user. it seems. Always working an angle, selfish. Trying simply to get what I want. Regardless of the position it puts others in. I think its that simple, If I was going to state in a single word how I have lived my life it would be "SELFISH" self centered. all about me. always whining about how BAD it is for me, and how much BETTER eeeeeveryone else has it. What a load.. Ive spent so long blaming "THINGS" that have happened on how I am that I somewhere along the line missed the basic lesson of taking responsibility and THOUGHT in your actions.
...I don't want to live that way anymore... I'm so sick SO SO SICK  of hearing myself rationalize why I do this and that, why I'm so messed up, why its in essence "out of my hands" its garbage. If we are all TRULY equal, then why is it Ive allowed myself to put myself up on such a sad little cross. I said that I didn't want to be a "bad thing" in peoples lives anymore, and in response to that worry, I created a negative stigma in my mind that didn't even really exist. And thus, gave myself yet ANOTHER chance to NOT take responsibility for what I was doing.
I did what I wanted. regardless of other peoples feelings. As if they simply didn't mean a thing. What sad irresponsible weakness. I HATE the person Ive been.
I hate him.